noise from 4/9/2024. makes me sad now (avoidant)

 i have always begged the universe to give me someone to love

pick me! pick me!!

i am so willing to give my all to someone!

i dream of making them raspberry tarts and learning about what they love. 

i reach my arms up to the sky and beg to be scooped up.

i want someone to love! i want to kiss their whole face and never make them feel small. 

i want to have the real conversations and feel safe enough to express my needs. 

i want to be the lover my past partner’s begged me to be. 

i think of the loves lost, of my emotional shortcomings. i hold guilt for not being the best for them. i appreciate them not being their best self to me. i needed them so we could grow but apart.

i want to love someone and thank all they’ve loved before. 

i want to be emotionally vulnerable with someone. i want to be held. i crave the warmth that comes with sharing a bed. 

i want to be emotionally ready before i meet who i’m meant to love. 

i want that to be now. but it doesn’t work like that.

i want t