wordy noises

 *my favorite words*

spoondrift

cattywampus 

sizzle

seafoam

pajamas

bubble

critter

follicle 

pangolin 

sippycup

poppa

ribbon

orange

tiger-lily

seafoam noises

 i feel quite

      ~!*%[€__*[+silly!&11&19-99

i don’t quite know why

  but i would like to know

sometimes i feel silly and i can’t understand why. sometimes i can’t understand many things. i panic sometimes randomly but i don’t know. it’s not because of worry; but more of shame?

i don’t know

i just feel all silly inside and i want my body to work but it says no. i wanna curl up with a cherry x dr pepper icee and be in comfy, soft, plaid pajama pants. i want to watch bluey on my laptop, not on a tv, because it feels more personal. like i am the one seeing it. i don’t know why this makes me happy. it calms me down. i had a good childhood and i’m grateful for my family but i still never felt like a kid. sometimes i just wanna jump into the ocean and float. turn into seafoam. 

distracting noises

 distracting noises

focus up!!!!!

                focus up on yo momma.

yoooo that's too far man come on bro that's not cool. why would you say that? you knew that it would hurt my feelings! sometimes people project their personal issues onto others. sometimes people attack people personally, that's an ad hominem. 

                professor bettis would be so proud of me

    i tend to have trouble focusing. like right now all i can think bout is the fact that my eyes are so so so so dry but i'm on facetime and i don't want him to see me in my glasses. why do we so often chose to suffer in silence? i struggle with putting my physical appearance first. i like the attention. 

                    focus!

i have a final to take. it's due friday morning and i can't drag myself to do it. god my eyes are dry.

        i take the lord's name in vain too much. i should stop.

                        the space between my thighs is freakishly warm right now and not in a 2012 fanfiction type of way. sometimes i'm just warm. there actually is no space between my thighs right now. it's more like a vacuum seal. 

                focusssssss

what were you wanting to write about?

        i'm not sure. you keep getting distracted.

bad dream noises

 i am finding it quite hard to sleep.

a few things are going wrong

                       1. i was uneasy before i attempted slumber. s̵̘̈́l̶̨͂o̴̥͌ṯ̴̀ẖ̵̊

                         2. i want to be covered in honey ğ̸̭l̷͍͝ŭ̸̖ṫ̴̺t̴͚͆ő̵̦n̶̤̾ỷ̸͕

                            3. i had a very scary dream w̷͚͐̀r̶͕̻̞̈̿â̴̡̩̂̕͜t̶͔͋̓͠h̵̰͕̩͔̐

                                4. the way i resolved the issue in my dream is not practical g̷̳̀r̷͔̕e̵̩͠è̶̫ḋ̴̡

                                    5. i woke up crying (which is out of character) p̶̡̲̈̿͛̉r̶͖̞̭̼̲̮͒͛̉͌͊ī̴̡̦͈̇̈́d̷͖̞̜̤͍͙͔̖͋e̵̦̩͍̗͎͙͈͛̔̽̌́̅̇

                                           6. i said "stop!" to my brain for thinking those thoughts l̷̰̦͖͆͐̈́̋̀̆̃͗͠͝ṵ̸̧̨̣̱̯̹͈̹̜̠̟̯̪̤̄͋́̀̏̅̀͐̓͛̉̒̾͗ͅs̶̡̛͙̖̰̗͊̇̄͛̋͒̑͠͝ţ̵̧̧̭̫͓̫̳̮͍̰̮̲̿͐̒̓̏̏̓̔̾̓̔́͠

                                                 7. my tattoo is in the itching phase ẹ̴̆̃̚n̴̛̪̎v̴̜̥̰̿͘ỹ̷̬̥͇̚

                                                     

                            sometimes, i think of how it would be to have different problems.

            imagine not being able to move. remember not being able to move. remember being frozen, bound, cut, trapped, stuck, and solid. it doesn't always have to be bad. you can relax in your stillness. 

            imagine not wanting to eat. i've had food taken from me so much that i crave it. i want to eat and eat and eat because i finally can. i beg to be full. i want to stuff my face and be a glutton. 

            imagine not wanting to scream with feminine rage. it's so beautiful and so many fear it. feminine rage is one of the rarest sights but it's breathtaking. we control ourselves. we claim to be so free and wild but then why don't we scream more?

             imagine not having what you want. i want and want and take and take. i can do those things now but i didn't use to. 

            imagine being unsuccessful. i have always succeeded in some manner and i know this. I'm grateful for everything i have. i know that i worked my ass off for my success. nothing was handed to me except food and shelter. but even then, he wanted me to starve. 

            imagine being in love. what if you were in the arms of another human? what is that like? some people have that. some people have had that for years. i don't want to imagine it because then i won't feel jealous. i don't want to imagine it because if i don't, i won't feel alone. 

             imagine feeling unlovable in your own skin. i've quite grown to like mine but that doesn't mean i haven't had that silly feeling of unlovability. i still think that often but i dismiss those thoughts. i don't want to be seen as too needy or unstable but i haven't had a hug in around seven months. i am feeling as full as i can be. it's not a bad thing to want someone. i've filled myself as much as i possibly can. i am not selfish. 

           

   

           

      

         

sextape noises

 sextape noises

i love the intro to this song. it hits a good spot in my brain and makes me feel something good.

i can't imagine making a sextape. that's so vulnerable. the idea of even looking into the eyes of another person scares me; but i do it all the time. i tend to stare hard at people. some say it's intimidating or that they could never do that but that's exactly why i do it. I'm so terrified of intimacy but i pretend to be better than everyone else. i don't actually know what i would do if someone confronted me by staring back.

guess i'll never make a sextape. 

bbq chips noises

 

bbq chips noises

                                                        

                                    hmmm.... 

    i wonder if i should eat some bbq chips ?

                                        Ą̸̧̥̠̖̬̪̹̞̻̮̼̊̏̄̈́͘ͅͅn̷̰̟͙̻̅̃̉̉͋ ̵̨̧̧̧̟̮̻̣̖̳̤͚̰͈̰̤͈͚̐̈́̐̄͒͌̎̈́̏͋̐̾̅̈̅̇̊é̵̛̟͉̗͇̄̌͝y̴̘̟̦͉͎̪̞̞̝͌̀̆̄͒̏̕͜͝ȩ̴̨͖̙̫̻̱͖̤̘̥̒̎͂̿͌͗̏̀͛̐̾̽͆̄̈́̊̽̂l̸̫͓̦͂̾̇̀̎̿̽̉̋͋͆̌̅̚͘͠͝ͅë̶̼̟̞͙̞̠̝͙̅ś̶̱̫̠̘̟̥̒̋̌̉̾͊͠s̷̛̻̜͎̞͖̦̙̹̻̝̫̜͙̉̐͗̾̋͂̓͗̈́͛̚̚͜͜͜͠ ̶̨̨̩̙͚̥̬̪̞͆̓̀̈́̀̉̉̒̿̅̈́ã̷̦̘̲͍̚͝b̴̧͎͕̯̼͖̜̘̜͈͍̖͒͊̈͗̍̄̍͐̅́͋͗̕͝o̵̧͇̩̗̟̫̤͕͍̦̭͂́̏m̴̧̢͈͎̩̜̣̬͈̣̮͙̺̮̰̻̿̀̽̾̈́̑͛́̒̂͗̉̉͜͝i̶̡̫̩̣̬͗̉̇̀̑̂̋̆̍̿̑̌̚͜͠͝n̷̳̾͛̐̎́̄͒̑͌̕͝͝a̶̛̱̭͔̬̠̥͔̙͑͗̈́̿̊̈́͆̓̀̾̚͝t̴̳̫̦̯̣̗͍̞̦͈̞̻̱̜̼̀̔̃̌ͅi̷̡̛̞͉̪̭̠̞̰̲̙̰͍̼̯͈̱̮̊̽̈́̀͗̑̎͊̓͜͠ò̶̧͇̗̦̘̪̗̞̙͆̀̃̔̏͂̽̽̆̈́̀̂͐̇́̒͝n̶̨̪̟͇͓̣͇̹̭̯̣̍̇̔͠ ̶̛̰̝͓̥͕̉̋͜w̵̡̛̛̛͈̻̞͍̙̺̰̪̝͈̺͇̑̽̽͑̈́̏̓̔̉̆̌̃̕͘ͅͅỉ̶̧̖̲͎͎̦̖̼̰͎͕̰͎͓̄ͅţ̸̼͕͕͎̀̉͊̆̽̒̊̍́̽́͘͝͠͝͝͠h̵̡̠̘̟̳̘͍̖͇͇̺͉̺̗̲̦̐̋͑͒̾͆̉͘ͅ ̸̩̱̘̰͕̗̯͓̘̄͆̃̐̀̓̂̕͝s̷̡̛̯͙̬͔̽͑̒̆͠͝e̴̢̡̧̛̥̱̭͓̭̲͌͐̀̇̍̕͠ṿ̵̲͕̹̺̦͉̭̱͓̥̝̳̖͖̉͑͗͛̅̆̀̉̈́̇̇̇̿̄͝͝e̷̡̻̺̥̖͚̮̺̮̳͌̉͒̎̀̉̆̓̆͋̒̓̓n̷͇̥̗͚̩͎͌ ̵̡̞͇̬̮̟̩̜̰̪̞͓͈͇̤̖̥̥͗͐͌͆̒̍̈́͘m̷̨̛̤̳̳̤͚̬̙̹̥̬̳̪̤̯͍̓͗̉̊̅̃͗̽͌́͂̕ǫ̸̩̗͕̟̣͂̃̏͊͝u̵͍͎͇̖͕̹͇̖̦̒t̷̖̼͕͉̯̱͖̗̮͔̣̫͙̝̓̈͋́͒̂̕͝ḥ̷̛͊́̐̆̎̃͂́̋͐̈́͘̕͝s̵̨̛͕̬̻͕̱̫̝̭̳̩͔̅̈̈́͊̄̎͌̋̊̑̑͗̐́.̴̢̤͉̲͕̰̤̣͎̳̯̀̌͑̀̄͊̐́̈́͌̋́̉͌̃̚

                

yeah! that sounds great :)

            hmmmm i wonder where those chips are?

.....

            .....

                .......

                                                        oh! i think they're over here

                        ----------------->                                                                           *chips*

oh boy i'm so excited for these chips!

                                                                *opens chips*

mmmm they smell. s̵̛͚͚̬̓̈́͘o̴͙̟̾ ̵͔̭̲̝̿̀̿̆g̴̨͇̳̘̈ỏ̷̪̥̘̼̈̎ö̶͚͓̿̅d̸̙̬̤̮̱̉͆́̂͊!̷̼̆͆

*bites one*

                hmm these are okay but they're. a bit hard

h̵e̶ ̵w̷a̴n̵t̶s̴ ̶y̴o̵u̵

no they don't!

                                b̵̜̞̥̞̈́̅ḃ̵̹̗q̸͓̃̇͆̑ ̵̦̦͂̀̀̉c̶̨̳͈̃͛h̵̘͖̬̔̎̄ĭ̴͎̭͉̣͒͂ṗ̶̻s̵̡͔͉̭͋̚͝

                                                                                                   that's not funny!

                                              why are these chips stale????        

                                                                                    m̵̬̈̀̉͠a̵͈̥̖̒ÿ̶̨̳̻́̈́̕b̸̞̱̥͋͛̑̕ë̴̝́̒͋ ̸̺̬̫̍̉̍̓ȏ̵͇̺͕͛n̸̹̝̆́̃͘ḛ̴̗̫͘ ̶̟̠̫͗̔̓d̶̪̊̌̎͝å̸̮̺̈͗͘ͅy̴̯̯͐̓̂ ̸̲̈́̂̓y̴͇̝̔o̸̧͚̼͗̓̑u̷̹̬͇͑ ̷̥̫̳̒́̇w̵̛̫̻̌͆̚ị̵̙̯̾ͅl̴̢͕̿͠l̴̖͓̆̓ ̶͖̻͕̤̈́̇̕f̷̘̑̍̚ͅi̷̗͔̰̓̋n̷̼͉͋͊d̷̥̭̀̽͛ ̶͈̮̻̘̊̊͝l̷̛͍̑̾͋ó̸̧̱͍̑v̵͉̈͊̌e̵͚̮͇͐͝

 

                                     

shoulder noises

 want an ai haul? 

i wonder how many times i have to scrub my skin until i feel pretty

west coast by lana

sneezing noises

 AAAchoO!

i cannot stop sneezing and hacking and crying. I have the flu 💃  💃  💃  

                                                                                                  (no it is not fun).

     every time i go to sneeze, i don't have time to find a tissue. so i sneeze into my inner elbow

                            !so many people say just elbow, but your elbow is on the outside, right?!

dear google: what do i call my inner elbow? the weenus?

        *hehe*

dear google: what's the origin of weenus?

i have sneezed on myself over five times today. had to change shirts because i was so snotty. i feel so yuckt.